Now, What Do You REALLY Want? ➳
Wedding, travel, family, settling into a new home, work, being a WIFE!…just a few months ago I look back & see myself as coming out of a season of great abundance! There is so much to be grateful for during that time, but when it came to my career life, I felt deep inside it was time for a change (“all the ladies if you feel me, help me sing it out!”). I knew that I was nannying for a season-as a means to pay for my wedding & to be the needed support to the family I was with. When I felt my purpose fulfilled, I prayed for change-whatever that may have looked like. Next thing I knew, God showed up (like he always does) & unexpectedly led me into my next blessing (*praise hands*)! With no pursuance on my end, I received a phone call from a referral & was handed a position that showed to grant my husband & I financial freedom, with the opportunity to pay off our debts aggressively (a goal we had in our hearts as we journeyed into our first year of marriage!)! We knew it would require sacrifice on our end, but if the tradeoff was to rid us of our debts (& get on good financial ground), we were game! I took the job!
WERRRRK (WORK). ➳
Work. It surely was! An average of 75 hours/wk, on my feet, learning a completely new system-it was both overwhelming & definitely trying! As with any position, the first few weeks I gave the position some grace, knowing that it would take time to learn & conquer “the process.” As time went on, I grew in many ways, gaining skills in being a leader, working with & for people. Each week (& to be honest, daily), I reminded myself that I was put there for a PURPOSE, even if I was confused as to why (?!). I walked in each day with the mindset that I was there to be a light to others around me, showing them love & joy in a high-intensity environment/industry. I started to get worn out physically, mentally & emotionally. Anxiety & depression started to make its way into my life, being more prominent than I’ve experienced at previous points in my life. The paychecks were great, but I started to question if the tradeoff was worth it? I made a list of the pros & cons & realized that my life scale was out of: bALaNCe. After 3 months of being strong & carrying on, even when I felt like quitting (on the daily), it was time for me to do what was best for me (& my well-being)-as well as those around me.
At first I questioned why God would have passed me another opportunity that was short-lived, but then I realized that it was something that I NEEDED. There’s a song by Hillsong Worship called “New Wine,” & in it they sing:
“In the crushing, in the pressing,
You are making, new wine.
In the soil, I now surrender,
You are breaking, new ground.”
These words resounded in my heart & it clicked in me that: I AM NEW WINE. Making wine isn’t easy; it takes time, much effort, patience, obedience…but for the grapes? If they could speak, I’d bet they say: “Ouch! That hurts!”
It’s crazy how God can turn something so difficult into something so beautiful, meaningful, artsy…& delicious?! (say whattttt?!)
Don’t give up, but don’t give in.
As many times as I wanted to give up, quit, walk out on the spot…I stood it out. BUT, I stood it out long enough until I felt the clarity & peace in my heart to pull the plug. I really felt like I was pushed to my own personal limits, that I didn’t even know existed. As my husband did & always does remind me: “I am stronger than I think.” On the contrary, I witnessed (& witness) many who seem to be a slave to the dollar $, yet miserable on the inside. Life is too short to live this way-it’s just not healthy! *Feed your soul before you feed your bank account!
2. Being a leader.
I had to step up ↑ & step out → of my comfort zone for this one! Being able to teach others our process, guide them, be the example, communicate clearly, etc; Being confident, yet humble throughout it all; Knowing when to speak, & when not to. Ultimately, being patient & flexible!…There are so many different personalities & conflict is inevitable, but it’s about how you deal with it & how you choose to grow from it that sets you apart.
Even though the job I had was not what I was passionate about, I showed up & always put in 100%. I was always on time, showed up with a smile on my face ☺︎ & approached people with intentionality-learning how to serve them the best I could whether literally or through daily encouragement. Knowing my God-given gifts, I made to sure to put them into action. Even if I wasn’t “excited” to be there on days, if I asked God to show up, he never failed to. Ask yourself why you are where you are today?
Give all that you can & your return will surely be great!
“REAP WHAT YOU SOW!”
NOW, WHAT DO YOU REALLY WANT? ➳
Once again, oh how I’ve grown! Like an arrow ➳ ➳ ➳ this opportunity has guided me, sharpened me, made me stronger through the resistance of the wind, while ultimately bringing me face-to-face with my target. Being able to finally get a vision, identifying my target(s) (dreams, passions, desires, goals) & being bold in aiming for them- - - - “bulls eye!” ⦿
Ready, aim, FIRE.
(“This girl is on fireeee!”)
I. Feel. Free.
I hadn’t realized it up until this point, that I have never really admitted to anyone, even myself, what it is that I want to do with my life. Asking questions like: What are my passions? What sets my soul on fire? What am I plain ol’ good at? What do I enjoy? Is it for a greater purpose beyond my selfish desires? THESE QUESTIONS ARE SO IMPORTANT & I’M DONE WASTING TIME! Time is fleeting, so the answer is always: “The time is NOW!” More than ever I am motivated (& overwhelmed, in a good way) to go after my calling! Fear is not going to reign & keep getting the victory in causing me to get diverted & discouraged. You got this. I got this. WE got this. Find what you love & do it! It requires prayer, thought, setting goals (long-term & short term)/physically writing them down, & most importantly: making time.
I’m living like this ⬆︎. Will you?
(*continue on for more beautiful images from my photowalk!…)