It's O.K. not to be O.K. ✓


This past week has been an interesting one for me. I was going through a period where I was dealing with some internal hardships, but on the up side, I ended up taking away so much from it all. You See, I’m a Cancer-sign (astrologically-speaking ), & even though I don’t follow & put my faith in astrology, I can totally agree with what it says about us Cancers—we’re sensitive. I am an all-around sensitive person-which for me means I have a big heart & really care about people; in turn, I tend to get hit extra hard by disappointments from others & just from life in general.

Recently, I think I hit a point where I just let all those little disappointments accumulate over time & ultimately overwhelm me. Despite all of this & in spite of all of this, there were so many take-aways from this week that I’d like to share with you:

1.  It’s O.K., not to be O.K.

I’m such a positive person & have always felt the responsibility to be the one to remain uplifting & strong in tough situations. Don’t get me wrong, being positive is a must, it’s just that I’ve realized my common response of, “I’m ok, I’ll be fine,” does not always hold truth. It’s as if I choose to say it to try & fool myself into believing I am ok-hoping that the words I speak will change the situation without having to deal with it. I’ve learned that sweeping it under the rug (even subconsciously) is not the healthiest. We all need to be honest with ourselves & each other when we are facing something hard in life. After all, we are only human, & God created all of us to unite together; let’s rise up & be strong for someone who may not be. 

2.  Don’t be so hard on yourself, love.

When my heart is upset & I’m in that period leading up to overload, I tend to find myself agitated at the littlest of things. I don’t like to be this way & have decided I won’t let my disappointments in people & circumstance change my character--->that’s not who I am designed to be nor want to be. For example: I got upset this week about not being able to make the perfect Birthday cake for my sister (I am a slight perfectionist), & felt like a failure-like I wasted my time & I could've done better. I couldn’t even take a compliment when my family was telling me how good it actually was. It probably sounds ridiculous hearing it now, but I need to stop being so hard on myself, learn to laugh about my mistakes & get up & try again. Like Frank Sinatra sings, “Pick yourself up / Dust yourself off / And start all over again.”

3.  Worrying is a form of nonsense (non of that!).

It had been a month this past Sunday since I had been to my church & the message I heard that day was as if God tailor-made it just for me. I had just recently read: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air: They do not sow or reap or gather into barns-and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his lifespan?” (Matthew 6:26) This awesome & truthful word was reinforced as I heard my pastor say: “Stop worrying about the detail of God’s plan & just get going; He will make a way for you!” 

Even though I may not be exactly where I want to be at this very moment in my career, in my relationships & with my own personal growth-I am still thankful because I am actually right where I need to be. If I never had this awkward & frustrating week, then I would have never heard from God & grown the way I did.

"Could it be that your current failure is preparation for your future success?"          -Steven Furtick 

↓↓↓ (The “encore” part to this post is below; keep reading my friends!) ↓↓↓

One of my favorite creatures is the beautiful butterfly. There is something so majestic, mysterious & free-spirited about them that I love & relate to. I went to visit the butterfly room this week at the nature museum where hundreds of exotic butterflies roam & mingle with one another while you just walk around in the midst of it all. I took this specific photo of this butterfly because I admired the pattern on the outer part of it’s wings:

Eyespots may be a form of mimicry in which a spot on the body of an animal resembles an eye of a different animal to deceive potential predator or prey species.

Eyespots may be a form of mimicry in which a spot on the body of an animal resembles an eye of a different animal to deceive potential predator or prey species.

A few days later I was in my room & I had a moment where I had my eyes closed. Right as I opened them I was focused on a butterfly in a painting on my wall that was the same. exact. one.

I thought about what this could mean & heard God reveal more to me-He said “Steph, it’s good to have that defense & be strong & prepared for anything that may come your way, but don’t be afraid. Open up those wings & show the world your colors.” This creative imagery was so beautiful to me & the fact that it was personal really touched my heart.  

"Like a butterfly, I have been reborn with bold colors & strong wings."